My husband passed away July 3rd. The funeral was July 15th and I just returned to the Northwoods from Minnesota after a little more than 2 months. It's really hard to believe that I lost my what appeared to be healthy husband after only a little more than 4 months of being diagnosed with lung cancer.
Most of the time he was far more reserved, quiet, less talkative and private than I was. At times I could get him to be spontaneous about things, but it was rare because inevitably something always seemed to go wrong when he did. We were so very different, but so much alike. I guess that's why we got along so well.
St. Croix Hospice was wonderful in keeping Steve comfortable for the last month of his life. All of the nurses and other employees were very kind and professional. He really liked all of them very much.
I have some guilt because I really should have brought him back to Wisconsin to be surrounded by things that were familiar to him. I'll regret that for a long time. I was told that he possibly couldn't make the trip back to Wisconsin and was convinced that I wouldn't be able to take care of him by myself. Well, hindsight is 20/20 and this was not true. I should have trusted my instincts and did what I thought was right. I felt so bad because he said that he wished I would have brought all the photos with us to his sisters so he could look at them. If he had been home, we could have looked at all of them as many times as he wanted. We needed about 50 photos for the funeral service so that they had photos to show his life story. His sister didn't have that many. I had none with since I was so far away from home. I don't feel that the few photos that were used accurately portrayed his life.
I can't do anything about what happened, as it's all in the past. I know now that I would have done things differently. I'm just happy that he's not in pain anymore. I also know that I did my very best to make his last days as comfortable and pain free as possible. I was at his side for the the whole journey from start to finish. Since I wasn't working, I was able to be there for everything.
I brought a little of Steve home with me. I was able to get an urn of his ashes that is 2-3/4 - inches in height. Because Steve loved Las Vegas so much, if I ever go back there I think I should take a few of the ashes and spread them somewhere in the city.
A friend of mine came back to the Northwoods with me. She is helping me go through items to toss, donate and get ready for a garage sale.
I found a recipe in my email from Taste of Home for a peach cobbler. Since I love to bake and cook and haven't had much opportunity to do so in the past few months, I told her I'd make this dessert for us. Recipe is below.
We've really been working hard, so this was delicious last night!
I have a long way to go before I have everything taken care of. My friend just looks around and shakes her head telling me I've got my work cut out for me. I am downsizing and let me tell you, I have a lot to part with! I made it through the last few months, so I know I will make it through this.
My new journey is something I'm very excited about! I will be moving back to Minnesota! I'm happy about that, but wish it were under different circumstances. I love the city I've chosen that I want to live in. I will be closer to family and friends. More about this later.
I'm packing up my scrapbook room and I'm under strict orders from my children that I'm not to be doing any crafting until I move. I really feel withdrawal so bad! I haven't made anything since the beginning of May!!!
Thanks for stopping by my blog during this transition time that I'm going through. Now for the recipe:
Peach Cobbler
(Taste of Home)
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup milk
3 cups sliced peeled fresh or frozen peaches
Topping:
2 cups water
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon butter
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
Ground cinnamon, optional
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder and salt Stir in milk just until combined; fold in peaches. Spread into a greased 8-inch square baking dish.
In a large saucepan, combine water, sugars, butter and nutmeg and cinnamon if desired. Bring to boil, stirring until sugars are dissolved. Pour over top.
Bake 40-50 minutes or until filling is bubbly and a toothpick inserted in topping comes out clean. Serve warm or cold with cream. Yield: 8 servings.
8 comments:
Pat, I am so sorry for your loss. You should not feel guilty or have regrets. I am sure you did the best you could with the difficult choices you had to make at the time. Wish I was there to give you a hug in person! My thoughts are with you.
A long journey indeed, for you. Downsizing is difficult, especially under your circumstances. Good luck and lots of hugs! Carolyn
Oh Patty, what a beautiful post. I miss you so much and really and truly want to help or get together or something. I know you feel regrets but you do what you have to do when you have to do it. If you felt that you needed to be there with him for that time than that is where you should have been. That shows the best picture of all, that you were there through it all. I will miss you so much but know you will be so HAPPY in Minnesota again!! Hugs, Jen
Hi, Patty! Great big hugs to you! ♥ Wishing you best wishes on your move and I hope that you enjoy this next chapter of your journey!
So sorry to hear of your loss. I understand the regrets of wanting to change the way things went but at least you had him somewhere that could have given the extra care if it was needed. I'll be praying for your future journey and that you will be back to crafting very soon!!
I came to your blog by way of 12little flowered hair pins I bought at your garage sale. My husband started the tradition of getting out of town during our anniversary weekend and hitting up garage sales and antique stores last year. This year (for our 2nd anniversary) we did the same. We had already been to about five sales when we saw your sign. After driving and driving on the winding road through the golf course, we found your sale. The first thing I noticed was the two bronze lamps (which I purchased). I knew they would be great in my classroom. You see, I just got hired in my hometown as a 2nd grade teacher. Although I've taught for 7 years, this particular job in this particular district has been my dream job. I've been so excited to join the district, that I've spent my entire summer preparing and planning, which also included searching for anything maroon and gold (our school colors). You can imagine my excitement when I found the basket of hairpins on your table. You had both maroon AND gold flowers! I bought all of them - just perfectly enough for each of the women on my team. I actually mixed them up, putting one gold and one maroon pin on each cardboard sleeve, and gave them out yesterday at our first in-service day. They were such a hit! The girls loved them!!! So, I thank you for creating the pins and allowing me to purchase them. I've already gotten a few compliments on the lamps - they give off a warm light in my reading nook that I think will help make my students feel quite cozy as they read. Also, I can't forget to mention that we also bought the largest George Foreman Grill we had ever seen (that was my husband's purchase). I have no idea where we are going to put it, but he was pretty excited about that one. Overall, we were very happy that we followed the signs and stopped. We drove off and continued on our way. It wasn't until just today, that I noticed your blog address on the back of the pins. I'm really glad I came to your site. I can't tell you how sad I am to learn of the loss of your husband. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must feel. I really wish I had some words of encouragement or knew just what to say. I guess I was just reminded that things are just things. My husband and I love to collect "things" together, but I need to remember that the most important thing is that we have each other. Reading about your story was a great reminder of that. Thank you for sharing. I wish you peace, love and light as your move forward in your journey.
Thank you Lynn, Carolyn, Jen, Anne and Nicole for your thoughtful words and good wishes! Sorry I'm so late in responding. I've been busy and everything has been so overwhelming!
Tanya Rae thanks so much for visiting my blog! That's exactly why I add that sticker to all my items that get sold! I do remember you and your husband. I'm so glad that the lamps work in your classroom and I very happy that the hairpins worked out for you and that everyone liked them! I hope that you and your husband have used that gigantic George Foreman. I loved that thing!! Take care and stop by my blog again! I will soon be blogging again on a regular basis after I get settled!
Post a Comment